And his name shall be . . .

Andrew and I attended a short little memorial service today put on by the chaplains at Scott and White. It was very small - only us and one other family. It wasn't exactly the service I would have chosen had I actually put together a funeral for my baby, but it was a nice gesture by the chaplains, and it was part of the healing process for me. Because we were not able to do a formal service for our baby, this really did provide some closure to me. No, the journey to healing isn't over. No, I don't all of a sudden feel better. Yes, my emotions are still all over the place. However, just like a funeral, there is a bit of closure to the actual event. I read a letter to the baby while I was there, and I wanted to share it with you. For the first time, I have officially named him.


October 23, 2010

To my sweet baby boy,

A month ago today, I saw your precious silhouette on the ultrasound machine at the doctor’s office. As I looked at you with tears in my eyes, I realized that you were gone. You were a precious gift given to me for such a short time. I believe that everyone is created for a purpose. My sweet little one – your purpose was fulfilled all too soon.

Although I carried you for only 17 short weeks, I loved you from the moment you were formed. Even though I will never get to hold you, never get to kiss you, never get to snuggle with you at those late night feedings, you are my son, and you will always be a part of our family.

And so today, I will give you your name. Your name will be Garrett Roy Hazen – a special name for a very special little boy. You have been named after two of your great-grandfathers who went before you to help prepare a special place for you in Heaven. I pray that they will hold you and love on you like I will never be able to do this side of eternity. I love you baby Garrett, and I will see you again someday.

Love always,
Mommy


I've thought long and hard about how I want to honor my sweet little baby boy, and this is what I've decided. Please feel free to join me in this if you want to, but do not feel obligated.

I would like to see Garrett's name written in different ways in different environments. For example, if you live near the ocean, I would love to see his name written in the sand. If you and your kids are eating cereal for breakfast, I would love to see his name written using the cereal to make the letters. If you are an artist, I would love to see his name written in a beautiful way. If you live in another city, state, or country, I would love to see his name written on a piece of paper and photographed by a special place near your home. If you wish to honor our son in this way, please feel free to be creative. By writing his name, you are showing your support and love to us as we continue to walk the road to healing.

If you wish to join us as we write Garrett's name and remember his short life, please e-mail me your pictures. My e-mail address is kara_hazen@prodigy.net.

Thank you for walking beside us this year as we've had to deal with several crisis situations - thank you for bringing us dinner, for calling and checking on us, for crying with us, for gift cards to help us buy groceries and baby items, for playing with our children, for listening, for coming to see us, and for loving us. We appreciate each and every one of you.