Q & A

Q - Do you remember anything from the time you were on the ventilator? Did you have any specific dreams?


A - I get this question a lot. It's interesting, because I really don't remember anything that happened while I was on the vent, and it's very weird to me to think that I just totally missed almost 2 weeks of my life. After asking to be put on the ventilator, I don't remember anything until the Sunday before I came off the ventilator. I have been told that people came to visit and I tried to communicate by writing or pointing at letters. I think that I was only able to write at the beginning, though, because I remember trying to point to letters that Sunday when I was more alert. I tried so hard to get my point across, but I think I was pointing to all of the wrong letters.

The one consistent dream that I did have while on the vent was about a man and his son fishing. Both were extremely obese, and they would sit in my ICU room every night fishing. They were always in the same corner. I kept trying to tell them that they needed to get another hobby - one that would provide some exercise. I later found out that there was a supply cabinet in the general location that they were fishing in. I was probably hearing nurses getting supplies, and I turned that noise into fishing. I also dreamed that the ceiling in the ICU was made of M&Ms. :)

Once I was off the sedation enough to remember a little, it was quite scary. I still had the vent, but I couldn't really communicate. I know that I was told a little about my condition, but that scared me more, so I didn't want to hear about it right then. During the night before the vent was pulled the next day, I thought that cell phones were going off all night. All of the ringers were turned off, but I was convinced that I heard cell phones vibrating all night. Turns out it was the special bed that I was on - it was inflating and deflating, and I thought the noise was cell phones. I also dreamed that night that doctors and nurses were coming through my room the entire night - they would enter on one side of the room and exit through a door that didn't really exist.

Some of the nurses called the sedation drug "Milk of amnesia" because it makes you forget all that happens while you are sedated. After hearing all that I went through, I'm glad not to have those memories.